Morning dawned clear and bright. I went through my usual routine at a snail's pace. My inner voice kept telling me that my trepidation was silly. Nothing was going to change. No one would notice me. I kept arguing that if no one would notice me, they wouldn't notice my absence either. The thought of even potentially seeing Seth again left me trembling with fear and another emotion that I didn't want to give name to.
In the kitchen my mom was more attentive than usual. She was having an up day. I entered to the aroma of freshly cooked bacon, eggs, and toast waiting for me on the table.
"Morning Jessie-bean. I thought we could have breakfast together today."
"I'm not really hungry mom." I lied. It smelled good and sitting to breakfast would delay my arrival at school.
"Well just sit with me for a minute then."
Forcing a loud sigh I thumped onto the chair she pulled out and let my bag clatter to the floor.
"Jessica, I know it's been rough the last couple of years - "
"Mom, really - "
"Let me finish. I know it's been rough. Your father was a great man and losing him, well it still hurts," silent tears began to fall down my cheeks, "I just want you to know that I do love you and I'm trying Jessie-bean. I really am."
A fat tear rolled down my cheek leaving a dark stain on my jeans as it fell. Reaching up a shaky hand I wiped my cheeks, refusing to let her see me cry any more. I nodded my head, looked up at her and said, "I know mom." Grabbing a couple slices of bacon and a piece of toast I stood, kissed her on the head, and walked out the door.
After my unexpected guests left yesterday a quick phone call and $300 of my savings later and the Tank was fixed and parked out front once again. Grateful for the heavy protection that the steel frame offered I leaned forward until my head rested on the steering wheel and let all the stress and tension of the last 12 hours escape in large heaving sobs. Whenever anyone gives in to heavy crying it's not very attractive. I was no exception. Snot was running down my nose and mixing with the dripping tears. Wiping my eyes I looked around for something to blow my nose with, trying to regain some semblance of being put together. I at least had to be presentable enough to make it through the school day.
The shore drive to school was uneventful. I pulled into the parking lot and headed for my usual spot. Queen Alex was already holding court near the front of the school. Climbing out of the car I nonchalantly glanced at her group and briefly rested my eyes on the brooding form of Seth. He was in his usual spot just behind his sister, arms folded across his chest, but instead of looking at Amanda Stephens' desperate attempts to get his attention his eyes were focused on me. Quickly I dropped my gaze, but not before a small shiver made its way down my spine. By his half smile I was sure Seth had seen it. Keeping my head down I quickly skirted the tennis court and made my way to first period. Because I was concentrating a hole into the ground I didn't see the daggers that Amanda shot at me.
My morning classes went by in a blur and before I knew it I was shuffling my way through the cafeteria. All morning whenever I walked the halls I felt Seth's eyes on me, watching my every movement. For lunch all I wanted to do was escape so I grabbed the prepackaged sack lunches available and headed for the sanctity of the girls' bathroom and made a beeline for the corner stall. Hanging my bag on the back of the door I sat on the back of the toilet, pulling my feet onto the seat. Relaxing for the first time all day I rested my elbows on my knees and placed my head in my hands. Only four more hours. I could make it through four more hours. At least that's what I kept telling myself. The quiet of the bathroom had lulled me into a false sense of security. So when the bathroom door squeaked open I stayed in my stall praying that whoever had entered would just go away.
"Who does she think she is anyway? She's a nobody. A freak! I don't understand what he sees in her!" I leaned forward opening the door a crack to confirm the voice I heard belonged to none other than Amanda Stephens. I leaned back and shutting the door slowly so as not to be heard, engaged the lock. The last thing I wanted was an angry confrontation over nothing.
"It's not like he even dates Mandy. You're getting upset over nothing."
"Nothing! He doesn't date - yet. It's because he doesn't know it yet, but he's waiting to date the best. Me." Amanda huffed into the mirror.
"How do you plan on doing that?" Asked her friend. I think her name was Stephanie.
"It's simple. I'm going to become best friends with his sister. We'll spend so much time together that he'll have no choice but to fall in love with me."
"Do you really think that will work?"
"Of course it will!" Amanda shrieked. Smoothing her shirt and visibly calming she continued, "After all, who wouldn't fall in love with me? I'm smart, pretty, funny. We're made for each other."
The rest of the conversation was full of giggling imaginations of Seth finally expressing his undying love for Amanda and their inevitable reign of the school. It was nauseating to listen to. Had I eaten my lunch I'm sure I would have been losing it to the toilet below me. Leaving in a cloud of perfume and hairspray I slowly and gratefully eased out of the stall and studied my reflection in the bank of mirrors. Amanda was right, I was a nobody. Big green eyes a little too far apart, freckles across my nose and cheeks, thin pale pink lips. Completely un-kissable. My hair had a mind of its own. Some days it lay in smooth waves down my back. Most of the time the wet and humid Portland air left it in a tangled frizzy mess, resulting in a plain pony tail. I wasn't skinny, but I wouldn't call myself fat either. All in all I was completely forgettable. No one, no boy, in their right mind would even consider me attractive. I was the freak with the old car who didn't talk to anyone. Blowing my bangs out of my face I retrieved my bag and headed to my next class.
When I didn't feel Seth's penetrating gaze I thought the day was looking up. I made it through two of my classes Seth free before needing to retrieve my Government book from my locker. Still no sign of Seth and his sister. I was feeling like things were finally back to normal when I shut my locker, turned toward class and ran head first into a solid wall of muscle. The air in my lungs rushed out in a loud oomph and I only managed to not fall on my backside when two strong arms wrapped themselves around me.
"You should be more careful Jessica. Someone could get hurt," Seth grinned down at me.
"Maybe if you weren't following me everywhere I wouldn't have run into you. Now please let me go."
"As you wish." He complied, dropping his arms at his side. I stepped around him and continued to class, head down and a rush in my step.
I thought I had made it to class without further incident and was opening my book to the chapter written on the board when the classroom door was flung open and an outraged Amanda filled the doorway.
"Where is she?!" She shrieked, wild eyes darting around the room to finally land on my puzzled expression. Without losing a step she marched down the aisle, raised her hand and with an explosive crack connected her palm to my cheek. "Stay away from him! He's MINE!"
I was too stunned to even utter a reply and just sat there staring at her retreating back.
"Miss Martin? If you're finished I trust we can start today's lesson now?" Mr. Jones asked. I nodded in response. "Thank you. Class, please turn to page 420 in your text. Today we'll be talking about the Bill of Rights."
Mr. Jones' voice was soon drowned out by my own tumbling thoughts and obvious discomfort as I stared at the floor to better avoid the curious stares of my class mates. This was way too much. I couldn't believe I had ever wanted to be seen by Seth or any other boy for that matter. Being invisible was much more comfortable and definitely safer. Raising a hand to my stinging cheek I gingerly touched the swollen and bruised flesh. I decided right then that I would be skipping my last class today. All this attention wasn't worth it and I longed for the safety and comfort of my bed.
Finally when the bell rang I shot out the door, hurrying toward the parking lot. I flung my bag in the car, slammed the Tank in reverse and didn't even bother buckling my seat bet before putting her in drive and turning toward the exit. Revving the Tank's engine as high as it would go I burned a little rubber peeling out of the parking lot. I didn't get very far, however. Standing in the middle of the street was none other than Seth. Slamming on the brakes my rear wheels slightly fished tailed and I barely stopped in time. Panting I just stared at him as he calmly walked to the passenger door, opened it and slid in. I didn't wait for an explanation, just revved the engine again and headed home.
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